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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28032690">There Is Defiance In Me(For As Long As You Are Here)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanethecoconut/pseuds/kanethecoconut'>kanethecoconut</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hunter X Hunter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Feels, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Cheating, Dubious Morality, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Obsession, Poor Leorio, Running Away, The Author Regrets Everything, Twisted, kind of</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:34:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,228</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28032690</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanethecoconut/pseuds/kanethecoconut</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>ob·ses·sion<br/>/əbˈseSHən/<br/>the state of being obsessed with someone or something:<br/>"she cared for him with a devotion bordering on obsession".</p>
<p>Or,Kurapika and Chrollo wonder how deep can obsession be.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kurapika/Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>There Is Defiance In Me(For As Long As You Are Here)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So,Hi again guys! It's been a while since my KhunBam fic was finished and I promised that I will make a sequel or epilogue.Yeah,I was writing it and I will post it once I finish it,but It's been slowly progressing since I really lost inspiration to write KhunBam. I ask of you to be patient! </p>
<p>I do not know  why I wrote this,to be honest. I recently got into HxH fandom and I wanted to write something,and I got this idea last night at like 5am and made a script of the fic and today I've completed it!</p>
<p>WARNING THERE IS AN ABUSIVE SCENE HERE AND SENSITIVE CONTENT SO IF YOU DON'T LIKE THIS KIND OF STUFF,LEAVE</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Extinguish my eyes, I'll go on seeing you.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seal my ears, I'll go on hearing you.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And without feet I can make my way to you,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>without a mouth I can swear your name.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Break off my arms, I'll take hold of you</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>with my heart as with a hand.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Stop my heart, and my brain will start to beat.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And if you consume my brain with fire,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I'll feel you burn in every drop of my blood.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>                                         -Rainer Maria Rilke</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was said that when you meet the person that will mean much to you for the first time, you'll exactly know that. That they will mean a lot to you. It doesn't necessarely need to mean that they'll leave a good impression on you,or that they would be good for you,but they will be a big part of your life. By saying they will mean a lot to you,it leaves multiple choices. Two of them,the most famous one,are love and hate.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When I first met you,I knew exactly who you were,what you've done and everything a normal person wouldn't. I knew who your companions were,where you resided,your likes and dislikes,and It was almost like I knew you before,like this wasn't our first meeting. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You glanced at me,without a hint of surprise,and you let yourself be captured. It irritates me so much,and the way you were looking at me in the backseat of the car disgusted me. There was no undertone of anger,surprise or shock. No,you were completely okay with your situation,and because of that,I lost my composure. You were playing with me even on our first meeting.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Our first meeting ended unpredictable,but in a sense, I knew it wouldn't go like how I wanted it to go. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Second time was on a ship,you were hostile towards everyone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Third, I do not remember.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For the last 3 years,we met a lot of times,but we didn't acknowledge each other most of the time.Sometimes we even talked and corporated like allies and friends would do. Other times we ran away,at least I ran away from you like you were my destined killer stalking me,which is kind of ironic.The other times I’d rather not remember.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So why?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So why are you here now? You had so many opportunities to kill me,to do anything you wanted to me,to </span>
  <em>
    <span>rob </span>
  </em>
  <span>me of my eyes and to completely destroy me. So why are you here now? Is it revenge for killing your comrades? You had so much time to get your revenge.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I asked you,you who were lying on my hotel room's bed,almost looking like you were sleeping peacefully,but I knew better. You were  looking like you owned everything,with a calm posture and legs stretched on both sides of the bed. And maybe you did. Maybe you did.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You opened one eye,and smiled at me with mirth that I couldn't help but flinch. Amused by my reaction,you sat up and patted a place right next to you. I refuse. I refuse to be near you anymore. I do not want to breathe near you,to smell your luxurious perfume or see you up close,smiling down at me like I were your prey.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'No need for you to be so tense,my dear. I'm merely here to give you my congratulations.' You raised your hands like you were surrounding,but I was smarter than that. If I did something you didn't like,you could easily kill me in a matter of seconds. You grinned when you saw that I was following your movements like a hawk. You patted the place next to you again,but the difference was that I could now sense a cloud of danger surrounding you. You were threatening me.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'Come here,</span>
  <em>
    <span>Kurapika</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I've been waiting for you for a while now,do not make me wait more for I will do something you won't like If you continue to </span>
  <em>
    <span>tease </span>
  </em>
  <span>me like this.' Danger was rolling on your tongue and your obsidian eyes looked more evil in the moonlight than ever.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I took the </span>
  <em>
    <span>invitation </span>
  </em>
  <span>and sat next to you,waiting for your next movement. Sensing none,I dared to ask you.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'Why were you waiting for me? No,more importantly,why are you even </span>
  <em>
    <span>here</span>
  </em>
  <span>?' I tried to hold myself back from being hostile,but I acknowledged the incoming headache from my eyes glinting red. You smiled at me,</span>
  <em>
    <span>that damned expression</span>
  </em>
  <span>,and leaned closer to me so you can trace your fingertips across my face. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'Silly,I already told you.' Your fingers were closer to my eyes,trailing softly and easily across my baby soft skin. The process was slow,but It didn't fail to take my breath away in shock and anger,</span>
  <em>
    <span>why are you doing this</span>
  </em>
  <span>,and afraid of you doing the unimaginable. Sweat trickled down on my neck and you followed the movement from the corner of your eyes,fingers never stopping. You leaned closer and forced me to look into your eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'What did I tell you,hm? Can you remember?' It was provocative,the way you asked me that as If I was dumb. Maybe I was dumb enough to ask you anything. You were mocking me,while smiling like the innocence you don't have.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>Speak.'</span>
  </em>
  <span> It was a simple command,and It shouldn't have left me in such shock as it has. But it was only a normal reaction in regards from who it was coming from.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>Congratulations.' </span>
  </em>
  <span>I choked out,closing my eyes when your fingers came too close to my eyes for my liking. Breathing in,I opened them again to look into your angry eyes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'You're here to give me your congratulations. So where are they now?' You laughed,albeit it sounded like a muffled scream of disbelief to me. You covered your mouth with one hand before looking at me again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'Congratulations for what,</span>
  <em>
    <span>Kurapika?</span>
  </em>
  <span> What am I congratulating you for?'You were playing me with. I could recognise that twisted glint of playfulness anywhere. Even in a situation like this,you still continued to play with me. And I Couldn't do anything but obey your commands.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'For...For my engagement.' I closed my eyes as I could feel myself tearing up. I heard a mocking cooing coming from you,and I couldn't dare to bring myself to open my eyes. Seeing you tonight was enough for me.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>And? </span>
  </em>
  <span>That's not all,after all,I am a man of many congratulations!' You laughed at your own joke,and I still couldn't look at you. Just your presence was enough to bring me to tears and to my knees.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>For. I-I'm getting married,to-tomorrow. I-'</span>
  </em>
  <span> I am so weak for you. You terrify me. You probably know this already. You hummed and laced our hands together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'Dear,you never fail to surprise me. When I heard a few days ago that you were engaged,I was surprised and well,yesterday when I heard you were getting married </span>
  <em>
    <span>today</span>
  </em>
  <span>,I was just flabbergasted. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What's the hurry? </span>
  </em>
  <span>It's not like anyone's going to kill you.' I could hear the unexplained level of insanity in your voice,you were saying words so angry I couldn't help but tremble and try to get your hands away from mine. You tutted before letting go of my hands and as I opened my eyes,I fell on the bed as you crushed me down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>So,</span>
  </em>
  <span>where's the hurry,</span>
  <em>
    <span>Kurapika</span>
  </em>
  <span>? You never answered.' I choked on my own breath as I locked gazes with you again. I tried to close my eyes again but before I could,you positioned your index finger right across my eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'If you try to close your eyes again,I </span>
  <em>
    <span>will</span>
  </em>
  <span> ruin this eye. I will not even sell it,I'll dig it up and ruin it.So do not even try. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Answer me now.'</span>
  </em>
  <span> You glared at me again,and I couldn't even bring myself to hate you right now because the fear was gripping my bones so harshly,and my stomach was hurting as I tried to gasp for air that I could easily drink up. But the way you were glaring at me made me lose all my common senses.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>He. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He wanted us to get married as soon as possible. He-he waited long enough for me. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And-</span>
  </em>
  <span>and he finished studying medicine. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He's a doctor now.</span>
  </em>
  <span>' I spoke quietly,looking at you as you gloomed over me,looking like an unsettled beast. You tilted your head a little and your gaze wandered around the room before returning to me.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ah. </span>
  </em>
  <span>So it's him? Leorio,If I recall correctly. So that's the man you are to be wedded to?' You gripped my hair harshly and made me almost sit up. You spoke with such disdain I think I've never heard it from you.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>Don't-ah-</span>
  </em>
  <span>Don't do anything to him! He didn't do anything!' I tried to defend him,because I knew Chrollo Lucilfer. He was a dangerous man. He was the most unpredictable but ironically reasonable person there ever was. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>Don't tell me what to do. And you said he hasn't done anything? </span>
  </em>
  <span>He </span>
  <em>
    <span>proposed</span>
  </em>
  <span> to you when I was away.' You gripped my hair even tighter,and I moaned out of frustration.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'And I </span>
  <em>
    <span>accepted</span>
  </em>
  <span>,willingly! We are not together,</span>
  <em>
    <span>Lucilfer!</span>
  </em>
  <span> We never will be. I am to be wedded today morning and you will not do anything to Leorio.'  I almost screamed at you,without looking at you,but with my eyes still open. Suddenly,the grip was gone and the presence of you was gone as it was like before. I looked up and saw you standing at the beginning of the bed,looking down at me before sighing and turning away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'Okay. I will do nothing to him.' You searched for something in your pockets before tossing it to me in the bed. Carefully,I opened the little plastic bag and saw something that took my breath away. A necklace made from mountain crystals. What was Lucilfer thinking about,giving this to me now?Now of all the time?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I looked up and saw you walking towards the door in a slow manner,before coming to stop. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'This is my congratulations to you.' and with that,you turned the knob but before I could even register what I was doing,I rose up from the bed and screamed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'So this is it? Is this all you've wanted from me?' I hesitated before taking a step closer to you,but you didn't move. This person before me wasn’t acting like he would usually do. There </span>
  <em>
    <span>must</span>
  </em>
  <span> be a hidden motive behind his coming here,a gift wasn’t enough .</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'Yes,this is it. There is nothing else to do,is there?' You sounded so nonchalant,and I questioned myself. What will you do now? Will you really just leave me alone now?After all that has happened</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Why was I so hung up on you? On a man,who killed my entire family,which gave me traumas and made me so vengeful,thirsty for revenge. I didn't have any life goal beside killing you and all your spiders. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When did I change? When did I give up on trying to take your life and became some sort of allies with you? It was not on our first meeting,hell no,nor on our second,third…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When did I start to be so bothered with your words and actions? From the beginning. But now that you did nothing to me,and were willing to leave me alone after giving me this was making me lose my composure. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What are you to me?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'Why,why are you leaving me now? You had so much time to leave me,why choose now? Is it because I'm about to be married?' I couldn't stop myself from asking,now desperate for answers. You chose to leave me without even killing or severely damaging me. This has to be a cruel hallucination of some sort!</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It has been 3 years since I stopped hunting you,but our meetings didn't stop. Most of the time they were accidental,but there was no month that passed without our paths crossing again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'I never said when I was going to leave you,but yes,It's because you're getting married.' Your voice was cool,and it brought me shivers of pain. My heart was beating so hard in my chest,it was like it was trying to get out of me and present itself into your arms. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'Why…' I cracked out,looking down at my clenched fists. I heard a shuffle and looked up to your eyes,as you turned to face me again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'There is no need for me to be here anymore,now that you are to be wedded. It was nice being in your company,Kurapika,but now it's time for us to part our ways again.' There wss something alike a challenge glint in your eyes,the look that was similar to the beasts' when their prey fell unto their trap. I shivered but refused to back off.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'There was </span>
  <em>
    <span>never </span>
  </em>
  <span>a need of you in my life,but there you were. Why are you running away? When you wanted something,nothing ever stopped you. I know I'm human and that you've never wanted a human as much as you wanted treasures but this case is similar.Things like this never stopped you…' I trailed off,staring at his eyes that never blinked or shifted from my red glare.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'</span>
  <em>
    <span>Why </span>
  </em>
  <span>didn't things like this ever stop me,</span>
  <em>
    <span>Kurapika</span>
  </em>
  <span>?' Your eyes widened as you questioned me,waiting for me to give you the answer we both knew.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Your eyes trailed and followed the lines of my body,as if to remember me when you're gone. But you won't get away now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'Because...because you're obsessed with me. You never let go of the things you're obsessed with,be it some antique vase or jewellry,if it grabs your attention,you will have it...It's not so different from this.' And before I could finish,your hand was on my throat,second away from choking me as you pressed me against the doors of my bedroom. I gasped for air,but you did nothing but observe my struggle. I must've hit the nerv.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'I should cut off your tongue before you say anything else…' you stroked the skin that was already bruising on my neck before locking our eyes again. 'But what you've said is nothing but the ugly truth. I'm obsessed with you…This is no love,just a plain obsession' You released the grip on my neck and leaned closer to me. I knew what was going to happen if I didn't move now that you've given me a chance to. I knew but I welcomed it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I knew and yet I could do nothing but watch you as you grinned at my lack of reaction. Your breath washed over my lips and I could already taste the bitterness from the coffee and mint. You were teasing me and you knew it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'I know you like coffee,and I drank it before I came here...You know what that means?' You asked me,smiling suggestively like you always did when you had me right where you wanted me to be. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>‘You dislike coffee…’I said but I froze again when the glare made its way back again.You puffed and said ‘Don’t go testing me now.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>'What…?' I tried to act like I was composed and confident,but the way I asked this was too airy for it to be anything like confidence. It was more like a submission.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>'You should really kiss me,no?' And you grinned like the devil you were before sealing our lips together,like we sealed our fate when we first met. After all,you are an important person in my life.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I did not fight it,the kiss that tasted like bitterness and spice,and you smiled in victory because I wasn't running away anymore.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Three months ago, if you asked me, I would have told you that if you really loved someone, you’d let them go. But now I look at you, and I dreamed about Maggie, and I see that I’ve been wrong. If you really love someone, Allie, I think you have to take them back.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>                              ― </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Jodi Picoult, </em>
  </b>
  <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/3349593">
    <b>
      <em>Mercy</em>
    </b>
  </a>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span> The moonlight caressed the naked bodies on the bed,in a room that was full of the air of sin.It was almost disgusting,to think he fell for him.He fell for the way he smiled at him whenever they saw each other in a different city,in a different country.He fell for the way he would take him to restaurants and other amazing and famous sights whatever place they were had. He fell for the way a light from his eyes disappeared when they had to get away from each other,from their little bubble when the world called.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He crumbled completely when they met again and again and again and all over again.Instead of love,there in both of their hearts blossomed something more crueler and sinful,an obsession they said. They both knew this was far from love but they couldn;t stop themselves from indulging in whatever relationship they had.And so,he had enough of it,and tried to get away from him.He almost got wedded,but he didn’t really understand what obsession meant.</span>
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  <span>He looked down on it,he misunderstood it,he mixed up love and obsession,and in the end,he played himself again.Because he was dumb,he would end up hurting so many people ho loved by the time morning came,and just because he was just another subject of obsession.He was its’ stooge,along with him too. </span>
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  <span>'We should get out of here,now. It's almost dawn and we do not want any unwanted attention from wedding guests.' You smirked,laying on your side and twirling my golden hair with your fingers. I lied there with you once again like before,and this time, I didn't have a choice but to say 'yes' and obey you. Such cruel people they were.</span>
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  <span>You probably saw the way my gaze was downcasted and the look of defeat on my face because you chuckled smugly before grabbing your clothes and dressing up. After you've finished dressing up,you picked up my clothes and gave them to me.</span>
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  <span>'I'll be waiting for you outside,in the garden. Come to me in ten minutes. If you don't,you know what happens.' You warned me with that usual smile of yours whenever you achieved or better said stole the treasure you've wanted. There was no going back now.</span>
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  <span>Chrollo is a person that means a lot to me. He is the killer of my family,the thief who stole Kurta clan's infamous red eyes and a man that became too obsessed with someone he shouldn't have. The two famous choices are hate and love,but this isn't one of them. This is another one that runs deeper than any of them. This is an obsession,that cost me my future.</span>
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